A Day with Shotguns

I spent yesterday on a gun range in an NRA shotgun class sponsored by the DTMMS Organization of Shootists. Having spent most of my life in a somewhat vague anti-gun stance (resembling "well, how could they be good?"), the classes I have taken through DTMMS have been eye-opening.

My friend Karen has written about this in one of the more thoughtful blog posts I've seen on this topic, with some useful training links - the main point being that education always trumps ignorance, and self-reflection and self-responsibility are what really make a life and death difference in our world.

Having now been introduced to shotguns, I can't say I'll be racing back out to shoot clays anytime soon. I was totally surprised to find that I loved rifle shooting, and becoming a decent shot with a pistol has been an intriguing and worthy challenge. But shotguns...I'm not there yet.

I did enjoy the sport - watching my friends succeed, learning how to align with their intent and feel what was about to happen, predicting with greater and greater accuracy whether the shooter at the line would hit their mark.

But my birdies? Let's just say that if I were suddenly forced to feed myself by shooting small game, it might be a good time to consider vegetarianism. I understand the theory, and I even had a few moments when my shot and the clay occupied the same place in space and time. (A very few...) I know what it feels like to stop trying, stop thinking, align with that target and actualize my intent.

And that's the reason that yesterday will not be the last day with a shotgun in hand. Frustration and bruises aside (and no, bruises are not inevitable - they're just the evidence of how much more I have to learn), that feeling is worth learning.

Ultimately, that's the biggest energy I've gained in meeting the challenge to learn to shoot: I've encountered no other experience that demonstrates so strongly and immediately what it feels like to intend and hold total responsibility for that intent. And a shotgun teaches how to do that in motion. Yes, indeedy - that's worth going back for.

Separation

I'm traveling at the moment, and am presently in a very agreeable place: Ann Arbor, MI.  I spent a lot of my life in university environments because they are so stimulating: the university is dedicated to learning, and so is usually surrounded by a frenzy of learning opportunities, from the traditional bookish things to exotic and experimental foods to musical or theatrical experiences to community diversity, and more.  People in college towns carry an aura of energetic focus, of intensity and interest.  Ann Arbor is a great example of all those good things, and in addition is a lovely town; on top of all that, it's spring and gorgeous.  So, how happy can I stand to be? 

Well - pretty happy, as it turns out.  But on to the point of this blog.

I live in Arizona.  The culture clash between Arizonans (as represented by our legislature, for the purposes of this blog, which has just passed a permit-free concealed carry law as well as a very controversial immigration law) and the decidedly liberal university community in Ann Arbor is a little shocking.  In my conversations here I've encountered quite a few people who just refuse to consider the idea of even visiting Arizona (or are convinced their friends/family physically prevent them from going, for political reasons).  It's pretty clear from their conversation that they consider most Arizonans to be whacked-out Neanderthal right-wing-nuts, devoid of both compassion and intelligence.  I'm not exaggerating.  Do they see themselves ever taking the time, making the effort, to talk with any of them (always supposing, of course, that Arizonans can talk)?  No.  Decidedly not.  Most certainly not.  No.

It's a shame, because at least some Arizonans feel similarly about university liberal types.  (Well, Arizonans realize liberals can talk - in fact, they may be of the opinion that that's all liberals can do.)  And this means that all folks in either of those two groups know about the other will be the things that typically show up in the media: exaggerated, judgmental, hard-line opinions that serve to alienate rather than to engender understanding of the position. 

I'm not totally against political correctness" - as long as it is used to provoke thoughtful consideration of what one says or does.  But when it is used to justify shutting down particular kinds of thought, speech or action rather than to generate discussion and consideration - that's just wrong.  And separating from people that you don't even know, because you happen to dislike some of their reported opinions, without even entering into a discussion with them to understand why they might hold those opinions, falls into the latter category. Not only are you selling them short, you're also depriving yourself of an opportunity to learn something significantly  outside your own experience. 

I think of the university in general as one of our human manifestations of the value of statement, stand and stance one takes in relationship to general knowledge (one of the 7 Values of the Everything, from the Sweet Medicine SunDance path).  How do you get your knowledge? How to you test its validity?  How do you make sure you see multiple points of view?  How do you determine what you truly know?  And I want my university - my own internal one, at least - to be of the kind that is willing to hear other points of view, and to be equipped and willing to see where there is value there, so that I may grow.

Love ya, Ann Arbor and Arizona!  A3!!!

Fasting as a Spiritual Practice

Last night I had a serendipitous discovery when I turned to the Bible for a little late night reading before sleep.


I had been working late finishing a new video on how therapeutic fasting differs from religious or political fasting. The video emphasizes the critical details that are necessary to adhere to if a person has arthritis or another inflammatory condition, in order for that person to maintain the anti-inflammatory benefits of the fast long after the fast is over.

I admit that despite my Christian upbringing, I don’t read the Bible very often. I probably turned to the Bible last night because I was subconsciously wondering just what it had to say about religious fasting. However, I never expected to flip my Bible open to such a clear and inspiring answer.

To my amazement there is a whole chapter in Isaiah (Isaiah 58) dedicated to describing how to fast. I might have expected such a thing in Leviticus which lays out religious practice in detail. I might have expected such thing in Deuteronomy were the law is spelled out again. But Isaiah? He was one of the prophets.

Then it all started making sense. I have fasted many times in my life. I started fasting as a way to regain my health. It worked. Now I fast as part of my spiritual path. I love how much easier it is to hear, see, and feel spirit when I am several days into a fast. I am always a little sad to break a longer fast, because I find the more open and enhanced communion with spirit to be so deeply comforting and life affirming.

Prophets are the ones among us communing with God and communicating from that place to their people. It makes perfect sense is that Isaiah, one of greatest of the Hebrew prophets, would be the one to give such inspiring instructions on how to fast. It is clear from Isaiah 58 that he must have loved fasting very much for the ways it brought him and his people closer to God.

Every year I go out into the desert for a ceremony that, involves 4 days of fasting while singing, dancing and praying as a community.

Desert near Phoenix, AZ

Isaiah 58: 11-12

11: And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters fail not.

12: And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in.

I give thanks to Harley Swiftdeer Reagan, for bringing ceremony to the people of the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society.

May the souls of all people be satisfied even in drought. May we, and all people seeking the light, be successful in repairing the breach and restoring the paths to dwell in.

The Many Faces of Power

Wonder Woman talks about the beauty of people breaking through blocks to keeping themselves small.  Another aspect of the breaking through is just the realization that there might be a block - that some aspect of our own, well-known self might actually be powerful, and that we just have not recognized that yet.

I led a workshop the other day in which a woman came to realize that her well-known ability to make friends, to connect with people, might actually be power.  I'd say so!  What does that do for a person, though?

Well, there's the obvious: it's pleasant to have friends.  If you just look at that, though, it is a little hard to see how this could be called power.

Having friends also means having resources - if you're willing to call on them.  That's a little more like power.

On a deeper level, though, friends are reflections of us.  They can show us, directly or indirectly, things about ourselves that we might never learn without them.  They can show us our ability to love, our reactions to tragedy or good fortune, our generosity (or lack of it), where we easily stand strong, and where we are surprisingly weak.  Our choice of friends can show us the qualities we value, the qualities we have (whether we acknowledge them or not), the qualities we wish we had (that is, that we are working on developing).

More friends, more opportunities for all those learnings!  That's darned powerful.

In the SMSD teaching called the Seven Values of the Everything, the third value is the relationship one has to those in one's immediate everyday environment.  This speaks pretty directly to the richness friends bring to our lives, and to our own spiritual growth - but also shows us what we bring to them, and what our responsibilities are. 

With power comes responsibility.

The Honor of Being a Witness

Recently I had the privilege of assisting as an instructor at one of the DTMMS self defense programs. People came from all over (including Italy, Germany, and Australia!) to participate in this unique blend of training. Like martial arts training at its roots, we blended the dragon and the tiger, providing teachings about the spirit as well as the body.

Unlike more traditional martial arts training, we focused was on everyday self-defense scenarios, not tricky sword techniques or elaborate katas. It wasn't body as artform, but body as a real, precious, and powerful resource that is so worth protecting. And it wasn't spirit as you know in meditation or prayer. It was the human spirit, the will within each of us that is willing to face whatever it takes to live our lives well.

And that was my favorite part. Each individual who participated brought some kind of fear, some block, some reason to keep themselves small that they had carried for too long in their lives. And every single one of them confronted those fears and blocks and stepped into a new understanding of what and who they could be.

It's a honor to do this kind of teaching: to witness people both in their moments of doubt and in their moments of shining. I'm grateful for the opportunity and for all those shiny warriors that showed up and broke through.

How Do You Develop Responsibility?

One of the things that bugs me about current US society is the urge that those who make the rules seem to feel to protect us all from ourselves.  Friends from overseas exclaim over all the fences and railings in our parks - designed to keep us from falling over the precipices (and then suing).  We have devices and services to help us prevent our children from seeing inappropriate things on tv or the internet.  We have warning labels on everything.  We have very specific rules about what kinds of weapons we can have or not (did you know that nunchuks are illegal in quite a few states?).  Oh - and motorcycle helmet laws!  And seatbelt laws.  And now, perhaps, we will have mandatory health insurance purchase (in many places auto insurance is already mandatory).

Part of the difficulty, I think, is that we are not willing to accept the consequences of our actions.  We want someone else to pay.  And if we insist that someone else pay, then perhaps someone else has the right to say, well, then maybe YOU shouldn't be doing that.

And what makes us willing to accept the consequences of our actions?  I guess it could be guilt, or a sense of obligation or inevitability.  Ha - just kidding.  Acutally, I think it's respect - primarily self-respect.  If we respect ourselves, we won't be making decisions with consequences we can't handle (in general - there are always potential exceptions).  And the only way we learn this is by practice - starting when we're young and our parents begin letting us do for ourselves, developing and expanding our responsibility as we mature.

Here's a breakdown of different kinds of respect, from the DTMMS site: http://dtmms.org/readingroom/7values/refinement_of_character.htm.

Does this make sense to you?  How have YOU gone about developing responsibility and maturity?  Who were/are your role models?  What was the hardest thing you've learned so far about maturity?

Cycles of Learning

I have been through many phases of learning. What I thought I was learning at the time, wasn’t always what in retrospect I now think of as the major learning.


High School and College

In high school and college I was doing many things right. I was passionate about what I was studying. I was learning a great deal of varied things (calculus, English, science, art, history, German, PE, sailing, social skills, leadership skills) in a way that was exciting and worked for me. At the time, I thought the details of what I was learning were the most important thing. In retrospect, I see that it was more about learning how to learn, learning how to establish life patterns that work well for me.

Graduate School

By the time I was in graduate school for a few years, I’d realized many important things that were harder to swallow.

One, intellectual freedom outside very narrowly confined subject areas wasn’t a priority there. Thinking and learning with a narrow field of specialization was the name of the game.

Two, much of my desire to excel was tied up in an unhealthy way with trying to please others.

Three, following my genuine passions and enthusiasms did little to please my thesis advisor, my professors, or anyone on my PhD committee. They were pleased by large amounts of narrowly focused work that would advance their own work. If it didn’t help get them grant money or more published papers, it wasn’t very exciting to them.

Four, if I wanted my life back, I needed to leave that system. The day I left was one of the best of my life. I felt so liberated. I was no longer an indentured intellectual servant, whose skills and brainpower were already spoken for.

Five, living passionately and in accordance with my own interests and values is critical to my health. I left graduate school because I developed a chronic debilitating illness that forced me to withdraw. Finding workable ways to live out my passions were critical to my recovery.

What I thought I was learning while in graduate school was a specific career. In retrospect, I was learning how to understand the primary medical literature and developing research skills and habits I would need to regain my health. That has lead to a career, but not at all the one I thought I was training for.

Post Graduate Education

Much of my post graduate education has been self study and learning at seminars, retreats and workshops. In some ways it isn’t that much different than graduate school, except that the subject matter is different, I have chosen it at my own pace, and each step of the way has been deeply aligned with my own interests. Because of this, it has been deeply healing on all levels, including physical.

In terms of content, first I spent many years in libraries researching what it would take to restore my health. Then for several years I learned mostly business skills through community college courses, The National Translators Association, Toastmasters, and the National Speakers Association. Then I spent many years going on many vipassana meditation retreats. Then I started doing ceremony and getting teachings through Harley Swift Deer Reagan and the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society (DTMMS). All of this was and still is interesting and precious to me.

I suppose what I thought I was learning was ways to make a living and better ways of living. Even in retrospect that still rings true. In retrospect, I’d also say the biggest lesson, in so many different ways, has been the healing power of accepting the past and forgiving.

Now

I suppose on any longer journey there are many phases. After many years of focus on programs offered by many different organizations, I’m rediscovering how delicious it is to step back a bit and reconnect with other aspects of who I am.

I own a house, and I’m getting immense pleasure out of doing much of the necessary maintenance and repair work. It draws on skills I learned as a child. I’ve rediscovered some of my old college and grad school text books. It is so gratifying to be feeding those particular interests again through self-study, after many years away. I also own and operate a business. More than ever, I’m getting a big kick creating new products and showing up strongly to the work of improving every aspect of the business.

Perhaps the biggest lesson I’m learning now, is that I really do get to be captain of my own ship. I really do get to chart my own course. Life really does get to be this fantastic. Nothing has been lost. Everything I have learned and done so far in my life is a resource I can draw on. Not only do I get to say yes to great opportunities, I also get to say no to great opportunities that are not likely to take me where I most want to go. My own inner compass is a darn good guide, even when it conflicts with the desires of my family, teachers or mentors. Not everything needs to be pursued at full intensity all the time. I get to have balance in my life, including downtime.

In five or ten years, who can say what I will think have really been the most important lessons of this phase. I’m curious, but since to everything there is a season, the wheel of time will have to turn a little further before I have that answer.