Loneliness Teaches the Mastery of Power

The Elders say that Loneliness teaches the people the mastery of power. I've felt many faces of this teaching - being home to myself, fully committing to finding beauty wherever I am. But I must have more still to learn from this teacher - who seems to be walking with me lately amidst a pervading sense of being lost.

The problem with feeling lost is the embedded “should:” I should know where I am, where I’m going, where that thing is that I need now but can’t put my hand on. Without the should, wouldn't lost just be an exploration of a space I didn’t predict, one that I may not feel quite prepared for but which is here nonetheless? Lost means that there’s some way I’m used to feeling oriented that is not orienting me right now. So, being lost is the demand to pay attention, to create a current set of reference points.

That’s the pep talk version of how I understand being lost. Meanwhile, though, there’s the loss inside of lost that must also be reckoned with. The antonym of lost must be home, that place where we find and are found by those people, things, sensations that are utterly familiar – and the kind of familiar that brooks no critique. Home is a place we deserve, not the complacency of familiarity but the sustenance of it, the rootedness that helps us grow. Lost is the vacuum created by the lack of home, when home has not only gone missing but left no breadcrumbs to follow.

The paradox lies in the truth that home can and must be found anywhere even as it is a somewhere that beckons us to return. Here in this wilderness that I currently know as my own heart, here is my home of the now, the reality of where I live and breathe, the unequivocal welcoming of my spirit and being, the place that must take me in. Indeed, even as I search for the home that is on the other side of the moon, I do not leave this wildness behind – it must accompany me, and I must allow it to enrich and enliven all the places I inhabit. But I admit to being tired from being in a place where exposure is the norm and where warmth, comfort, and sustenance take such effort, scavenged from unfamiliar surroundings.

What is the power of this paradox? At the least, it fuels my determination to keep going - whether that's into greater ease with these solitary spaces, or in search of a path that reconnects me with others; most likely both. And it takes me, too, into the power of prayer. Paradox always creates a space that is bigger than I know how to be. So, the connection starts there; I'll keep my eye out for breadcrumbs.

Dancing to the Music of the Unknown

I've spent a good deal of my life looking at the relationship between fear and the unknown, learning to calm the anxiety that comes up when I don't know what to expect, or how to behave, simply by normalizing it. Until recently, I figured that was the best outcome - normalize fear as a reasonable response to the unknown, and then just get on with things.

Turns out, that approach takes way too much effort. Normalizing fear puts a box around it, gives it a label I can live with; but the fear is still there. I'm just using tricks to get over it, under it, past it, setting my will and intent so that fear doesn't keep me from totally missing out (curled in the fetal position or hiding behind some tree).

I thought that "grit my teeth" strategy was working - but I've recently figured out it's really kept me away from the unknown far more than it has ushered me into it. I might dip my toes in, or peek around a corner - but again and again, I've sought the comfort of the known to help me assuage the discomfort of the unknown. And in doing so, the known stays my focus.

While leading a healing ceremony last week, I discovered a whole new approach: let that initial flare of fear signal where the unknown can be found, but then let my curiosity, my love of learning, and my determination for excellence open the door. It's not a muscling through type of thing - it's delight and questions and humility. And connection - especially connection.

In fact, connection is the key. When I'm convinced that I'm all I have to rely on in this world, that throws me back into the known every time. When I'm actually connected to Spirit, trusting that Spirit and I are in a dance together, then the unknown becomes the music, the invitation to movement, the guide that takes me into partnership with Spirit, showing me the way.

The Many Faces of Power

Wonder Woman talks about the beauty of people breaking through blocks to keeping themselves small.  Another aspect of the breaking through is just the realization that there might be a block - that some aspect of our own, well-known self might actually be powerful, and that we just have not recognized that yet.

I led a workshop the other day in which a woman came to realize that her well-known ability to make friends, to connect with people, might actually be power.  I'd say so!  What does that do for a person, though?

Well, there's the obvious: it's pleasant to have friends.  If you just look at that, though, it is a little hard to see how this could be called power.

Having friends also means having resources - if you're willing to call on them.  That's a little more like power.

On a deeper level, though, friends are reflections of us.  They can show us, directly or indirectly, things about ourselves that we might never learn without them.  They can show us our ability to love, our reactions to tragedy or good fortune, our generosity (or lack of it), where we easily stand strong, and where we are surprisingly weak.  Our choice of friends can show us the qualities we value, the qualities we have (whether we acknowledge them or not), the qualities we wish we had (that is, that we are working on developing).

More friends, more opportunities for all those learnings!  That's darned powerful.

In the SMSD teaching called the Seven Values of the Everything, the third value is the relationship one has to those in one's immediate everyday environment.  This speaks pretty directly to the richness friends bring to our lives, and to our own spiritual growth - but also shows us what we bring to them, and what our responsibilities are. 

With power comes responsibility.