Necessary Ingredient for Growth: Vulnerability

A friend recently sent me a link to a TED video by Brene Brown, a research prof at the University of Houston in Social Work. It might be called "Deconstructing Vulnerability, Constructing Wholeheartedness."  (It's not, though - just called TEDxHouston Brene Brown.)

But that's all by the by.  Just watch the thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0.

She makes a compelling argument for vulnerability, the willingness and ability to be vulnerable, as the basis for growth, creativity, joy, belonging, and love.

In the Sweet Medicine SunDance Path, one of the wheels we study is the Blocks to Maturity.  This wheel includes shame, blame, and fear - three things which effectively block our willingness and ability to be vulnerable.

A few months ago, I wrote about our questioning of ourselves regarding whether we are good enough, whether we have what it takes.  This is another take on how to answer that question, through looking at those emotions/reactions which lead us to feel inadequate.  Brown has written extensively on overcoming shame etc., so we can simply recognize that we ARE enough.

But by this, she does not seem to mean the self-satisfied, kick-back-and-wait-to-be-served enough.  She means instead the "enough" that allows us to engage fully in life rather than holding back because we are afraid someone will actually see us.

And that - without that kind of engagement, we just can't grow, we can't learn, we can't become.  We can only exist.

Is it spirit, or what?

The Sweet Medicine SunDance Path is one in which we don't separate spirit from body, or from emotions, or from our sexuality.  It is all part of our desire for and path to growth.

In the first year of the Red Lodge Longhouse, we look at our 5 aspects, and what we call "proper choreography."  In other words, what do we do with our physical body?  Do we determine with it - e.g., the strongest person gets to be the boss?  Or do we give with it - e.g., taking care of everyone else's needs while our own go neglected?  What do we do with our emotions?  Do we determine with them - e.g., the person who screams the loudest or cries the longest wins?

How we coordinate our spirit with our bodies, our emotions, our thoughts, our sexuality, is an important part of spiritual growth as we speak of it on this path.

Some traditions, in some periods of time, have a perception of the body as evil :
"For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live."  The King James Bible,  Romans 8:13

That is not the case in the Sweet Medicine SunDance Path.  We ask, what have we come into human form to learn?  What is our spirit, our soul, demanding in this lifetime?  And so every part of us contributes to our spiritual growth.

How does your spiritual tradition work?

Again, Ceremony: the Gateway Process

I just have to say that the SMSD gateway process is, for me, a continually surprisingly effective path of self-growth.

You know how, when climbing up a mountain, you stop at various turnings and look down, and are struck by how far you've climbed?  That's what the gateway process is like for me.  I know I'm climbing, but only realize how far when I stop for a moment to look back.  And, looking back, I can also see how the path has been constructed in such a way that it is possible - rather than impossible - for me to climb.

I'm grateful.  That's all.

Karma, Dharma, and The Miracle Worker

Almost against my will, I was drawn into the movie The Miracle Worker a few days ago.  I flipped it on out of curiosity - what did Patty Duke look like at that time?  Anne Bancroft?  I already knew the story, of course, so that wasn't the draw.  (In case you don't, it is story of Anne Sullivan's struggle to teach the blind and deaf Helen Keller how to communicate.)

But I became fascinated with the process of resistance and learning - and I recognized it in myself.  Helen had lived her first however many years with certain rules, e.g., she could walk around the table, take food off anyone's plate and eat it.  When Anne took over her education, suddenly that was not permitted anymore.  Helen resisted that change with - ah - alarming vigor.  But sometimes changes come whether we want them or not.

As I watched, I saw the concepts of karma and dharma (as they are understood in the Sweet Medicine SunDance paradigm) dramatically played out.  Briefly, there are certain lessons we must learn in our time here.  When we are still in the process of learning these specific lessons, we are said to be in karma.  One of the key features of these lessons is this: if we don't get the lesson in one form, it will come to us in another, more forceful form, then another yet more forceful, and so on, until we finally get it.  Once we learn all of those specific things, we move into dharma, where we choose what we desire to learn.  In dharma we may succeed or fail at our learning, but we are at choice - no longer forced to "get it."

I saw this in The Miracle Worker as Annie tried, over and over, in many different ways, some gentle and some quite rough, to teach Helen that the hand movements (sign language) meant specific things in her life.  Imagine the difficulty of conveying this concept to someone who can neither see nor hear, has no idea of language - imagine the difficulty of grasping that concept without the visual and verbal prompts most of us had!  It's really quite a big leap. 

It must have seemed to Helen through most of that that some outside force was arbitrarily forcing her to do things that made no sense, and preventing her from having what she wanted and needed to live.  And yet, as soon as she got that one concept, that one lesson, a whole new world was opened up to her.  In this world, she could ask for what she wanted - we see her demanding the signs for ground, mother, I forget what all - but clearly at that point she had taken significant control over what she was learning, what she wanted to learn. 

Sometimes, there's just that one click, that one little thing, that takes us from totally resisting change to understanding the meaning and direction of it, and what it means for us, and the willingness (even eagerness) to go with it.  For myself, I pray that I may just notice when I am resisting change, and look for the piece, the concept, the different perspective, that will let me see the possibilities it brings and how to move into it.

My experience with Harley SwiftDeer Reagan

Harley Reagan, also called SwiftDeer - he's a controversial guy.  If you've ever Googled him, you may have found some pretty derogatory stuff, along with the good stuff.  I've had the opportunity to work with him in several arenas over the last few years, and here's what I know.

He is undoubtedly an experienced and skilled martial artist.  I know this because I have been on the receiving end (in teaching moments) of some of his seemingly effortless but stunningly effective techniques.  I have also seen him work with high-level black belts from other disciplines, and have observed the respect they give him.  I can only imagine that the folks who doubt his skills have never visited him in his dojo.

The man loves to shoot.  The Deer Tribe Gun Club, which he founded, holds all-steel matches every month, and has been doing so since before 2000 (when I first learned about it).  Harley Reagan is an NRA training counselor, and runs NRA classes throughout the year.  That takes dedication, and to more than just shooting: to learning and passing on the art and science of safe and skilled gun handling.

His curiosity is boundless.  I don't know many people who read as much or as widely as he does (nor who encourage others to do so much as he does).  His knowledge base is really quite impressive.

He is extremely generous in private arenas, and often (though not always!) compassionate in a grandfatherly way.

His teachings in spirituality are both broad and deep, and useful in practical ways.  The body of knowledge and ceremony that is the Sweet Medicine SunDance Path (at least, the parts of it I've seen) is profound.

And, on top of all that, it is absolutely impossible to lose sight of the fact that SwiftDeer is human.  He's just a guy.  Anyone who forgets that (that is, who tries to see him as a "guru") is quickly reminded of his human-ness as soon as they spend a little time in his presence.  He can be cranky, obtuse, opinionated, stubborn, frustrating, and funny as hell.  And, like any teacher, you can't take everything he says at face value.  You are responsible for what you do with what he says.  But he, at least, is completely up-front about that.  Anyone who has heard him teach has almost certainly heard him say, "Don't believe anything I say.  Validate it for yourself."

That's something I appreciate in a teacher.

Separation

I'm traveling at the moment, and am presently in a very agreeable place: Ann Arbor, MI.  I spent a lot of my life in university environments because they are so stimulating: the university is dedicated to learning, and so is usually surrounded by a frenzy of learning opportunities, from the traditional bookish things to exotic and experimental foods to musical or theatrical experiences to community diversity, and more.  People in college towns carry an aura of energetic focus, of intensity and interest.  Ann Arbor is a great example of all those good things, and in addition is a lovely town; on top of all that, it's spring and gorgeous.  So, how happy can I stand to be? 

Well - pretty happy, as it turns out.  But on to the point of this blog.

I live in Arizona.  The culture clash between Arizonans (as represented by our legislature, for the purposes of this blog, which has just passed a permit-free concealed carry law as well as a very controversial immigration law) and the decidedly liberal university community in Ann Arbor is a little shocking.  In my conversations here I've encountered quite a few people who just refuse to consider the idea of even visiting Arizona (or are convinced their friends/family physically prevent them from going, for political reasons).  It's pretty clear from their conversation that they consider most Arizonans to be whacked-out Neanderthal right-wing-nuts, devoid of both compassion and intelligence.  I'm not exaggerating.  Do they see themselves ever taking the time, making the effort, to talk with any of them (always supposing, of course, that Arizonans can talk)?  No.  Decidedly not.  Most certainly not.  No.

It's a shame, because at least some Arizonans feel similarly about university liberal types.  (Well, Arizonans realize liberals can talk - in fact, they may be of the opinion that that's all liberals can do.)  And this means that all folks in either of those two groups know about the other will be the things that typically show up in the media: exaggerated, judgmental, hard-line opinions that serve to alienate rather than to engender understanding of the position. 

I'm not totally against political correctness" - as long as it is used to provoke thoughtful consideration of what one says or does.  But when it is used to justify shutting down particular kinds of thought, speech or action rather than to generate discussion and consideration - that's just wrong.  And separating from people that you don't even know, because you happen to dislike some of their reported opinions, without even entering into a discussion with them to understand why they might hold those opinions, falls into the latter category. Not only are you selling them short, you're also depriving yourself of an opportunity to learn something significantly  outside your own experience. 

I think of the university in general as one of our human manifestations of the value of statement, stand and stance one takes in relationship to general knowledge (one of the 7 Values of the Everything, from the Sweet Medicine SunDance path).  How do you get your knowledge? How to you test its validity?  How do you make sure you see multiple points of view?  How do you determine what you truly know?  And I want my university - my own internal one, at least - to be of the kind that is willing to hear other points of view, and to be equipped and willing to see where there is value there, so that I may grow.

Love ya, Ann Arbor and Arizona!  A3!!!

How Do You Develop Responsibility?

One of the things that bugs me about current US society is the urge that those who make the rules seem to feel to protect us all from ourselves.  Friends from overseas exclaim over all the fences and railings in our parks - designed to keep us from falling over the precipices (and then suing).  We have devices and services to help us prevent our children from seeing inappropriate things on tv or the internet.  We have warning labels on everything.  We have very specific rules about what kinds of weapons we can have or not (did you know that nunchuks are illegal in quite a few states?).  Oh - and motorcycle helmet laws!  And seatbelt laws.  And now, perhaps, we will have mandatory health insurance purchase (in many places auto insurance is already mandatory).

Part of the difficulty, I think, is that we are not willing to accept the consequences of our actions.  We want someone else to pay.  And if we insist that someone else pay, then perhaps someone else has the right to say, well, then maybe YOU shouldn't be doing that.

And what makes us willing to accept the consequences of our actions?  I guess it could be guilt, or a sense of obligation or inevitability.  Ha - just kidding.  Acutally, I think it's respect - primarily self-respect.  If we respect ourselves, we won't be making decisions with consequences we can't handle (in general - there are always potential exceptions).  And the only way we learn this is by practice - starting when we're young and our parents begin letting us do for ourselves, developing and expanding our responsibility as we mature.

Here's a breakdown of different kinds of respect, from the DTMMS site: http://dtmms.org/readingroom/7values/refinement_of_character.htm.

Does this make sense to you?  How have YOU gone about developing responsibility and maturity?  Who were/are your role models?  What was the hardest thing you've learned so far about maturity?