Sunday, September 26, 2010

Pre-Ceremonial Jitters

Next week I am taking two big steps in my “medicine training.”  Either one alone would be enough to give me pre-ceremonial jitters.  Having them scheduled back to back is giving me a chance to experience outright anxiety.

My teacher Harley Swiftdeer Reagan says that fear as a teacher teaches us to make the unknown known.  There will certainly be plenty of opportunity to do that.  

I’m glad I have been on a path of self growth and development long enough to know that I experience the jitters (as well as anger, resistance, negativity, fear, etc.) right before I take most any big step forward. 

That makes is easier to remember that it isn’t a problem that I am about to do ceremony that will require me to become more that who I already am.  It also isn’t a problem that I am reacting in uncomfortable ways to the thought of the upcoming challenges.  That is about as predicable as the sun rising and setting. 

At whatever stage of maturity I am at, that is just how I react.  Luckily, I still get to do the ceremonies, and I will likely grow and change for the better, no matter what, as long as I keep scheduling and showing up to these types of challenges that help me transform into something more and better.